they're always there

Ever tempted to give someone the silent treatment?

I was awakened the other morning by a girlfriend in tears and very distressed by something I can relate to. The silent treatment.

We discussed that while we can understand taking time to cool off and walk away, just not addressing the issue and ignoring the other person involved just didn't make any sense to us. And well... its just plain cruel.

I decided to look into literature about it and came across a great article out of Purdue University by a Social Psychologist named Kipling William. He says "Excluding and ignoring people, such as giving them the cold shoulder or silent treatment, are used to punish or manipulate, and people may not realize the emotional or physical harm that is being done."

He speaks of ostracism in the animal kingdom, the workplace and in families. He also describes what it does to the brain in saying "When a person is ostracized for even a brief period of time, the anterior cingulate cortex, the part of the brain that detects pain, is activated and people experience the same initial pain when excluded by strangers or close friends, or even enemies. He says that thats why 'time outs' work so well while disciplining children. But in adults? Its bullying basically. Passive aggressive, manipulative, unnecessary bullying.

As much as I don't recall ever really giving anyone the silent treatment for more than a day/hours etc (although I've certainly been tempted to) I always decided that if I loved/cared for the person and the relationship mattered to me I'd try and work it out, and if I didn't it might just be better all the way around to end the relationship/break the ties. Anyways, I think most people out there have experienced either giving, or getting the silent treatment at some point, and by now I hope that my gal pal has dried her tears because life goes on! And I am sure that whoever was giving her the silent treatment is in pain as well, as we are all experiencing our own reality in each moment. And relationships are tricky for all of us, and sometimes we just don't know what to do, or how to respond. I don't think that everyone who gives the cold shoulder does so to purposefully hurt others. I think that it might be a way of protecting themselves as well, but maybe learning what it actually does to the brain might make someone go about things a little differently. Or I hope.

Its my long held belief that a little kindness goes a long long way, and most situations (no matter how crappy) can be worked out among people who love truly one another. In spite of everything is a really beautiful world. Namaste.

I lost a loved one

Death is a part of life as we all know, but its still incredibly sad knowing that the person you will miss is no longer walking around on this earth.You won't again look into those eyes, listen to their jokes, break bread with them, or again have the opportunity to tell them what they have always meant to you. Thats why it really is extremely important to tell people (*and often) how much they matter. We're all going to die (as much as we don't like to dwell on it) and tomorrow is not promised to anyone. My cherished loved one's name is Andy, and Andy knew very well just how loved he was, and what a huge impact he had on my life from my earliest memory. (I'd be feeling pretty rotten right now if that was not the case.) This was a very close friend of the family, and in many ways like the dad I never had as a child. Anyways, I'll be flying out of town tomorrow to celebrate the life of this wonderful man so ALL of my classes will be subbed by a whole bunch of FABulous teachers (that I am hugely grateful to). I'll see you the following week.

Below is a beautiful quote I came across this morning. Its really lovely:

Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy. ~Author Unknown


Are you a new mom who's lacking in the self care department? You sure aren't alone. Not at all!

If you come to any of my Yoga classes you are used to hearing me harp on about Self Care. I mean what's more important really? For ALL of us?

The answer is N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

If you can get to Yoga, by all means...Get to Yoga.

*But what if you are a new mom and are feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, scared, burned out?

Ask-for-help* Just do it!

People really want to help.

Remember your Self Care. We can't fully show up for the rest of our lives, our children, loved ones and community if we don't care for ourselves first!

If you are feeling depressed, isolated, overwhelmed, or are just plain not coping well you are NOT ALONE! (not in the least)! Contact The Pacific Post Partum Support Society at 604-255-7999. For more info you can click HERE

And also Three Bridges has Parent Infant Support groups that have different topics each week, community health nurses, resources... It's a place where you can weigh baby, ask questions, hang with other mom's etc.

Those groups are Wednesdays at the new Robert Lee YMCA at 966 Burrard St. from 130-300 and The Roundhouse holds theirs Thursday mornings from 1030-1200. For more info on The three Bridges Community Health Centre and their Parent/Infant groups call 604-736-9844

Many downtown/Yaletown mom's I know attend the afternoon Robert Lee YMCA parent infant group on Wednesdays, so they can come to Baby and Me Yoga on Thursdays at The Roundhouse. For more info on the Roundhouse click here or call 604-713-1800.

**Then they get to enjoy both, on two different days! Getting out is just so very important.

I also have Baby and Me Yoga Monday mornings from 1045-1200 at Mount Pleasant CC. For more info on Mt.Pleasant click here or call 604-257-3080

Anyways, I've gotta run! Wanted to share these little tips for new mom's I came across courtesy of Dr.Lois Nightingale. Take care of yourself. Nobody else is going to do it for ya.

And besides...the world needs us!

Seven 5 Minute Tips to Help New Mothers Relax and Rejuvenate

by Dr. Lois Nightingale

Sometimes 5 minutes at a time is all new mothers can find in their busy days. When the baby is sleepy or older kids are briefly entertained. These can be thought of as "mini vacations" that you can return from more relaxed and ready to take care of the tasks you have committed to:

1. Focus on you breath. Breathe in and feel how cool and dry the air is as compared to warmer moister air as you exhale. Breathe deeply filling your lungs from the bottom up. Let your abdomen move as you breathe. As you breathe in, say silently "re" and as you exhale "lax". Say silently to yourself "re-lax" as you breathe deeply.

2. Sit quietly and comfortably and close your eyes. After taking 5 deep cleansing breaths, bring your attention to noises, smells and feelings around you. What can you hear, smell and feel? Pay attention to detail, subtle sensory stimuli and what you might not usually notice, when your mind wonders, gently bring it back to something you hear, smell or feel.

3. Spend 5 minutes, just noticing without judgment If you notice undone housework, clothes on the floor, your fatigue, just notice that it is so. Do not use "should", "would", "could", "ought" or any other derogatory statements about yourself or others. Detach yourself from the emotional judgment about your environment and those around you. Begin bringing this perspective into the rest of your day.

4. Walk outdoors. Notice how nature works effortlessly, without worry or anxiety. Notice the colors, movement, and temperature, breathe in the fresh air. Exhale completely. Be fully present. Watering, gardening, watching clouds, playing with pets or just watching leaves blow in the breeze creates tranquillity.

5. Spend 5 minutes each night writing down things that you accomplished, giving yourself credit. These may be "small" in comparison to "life before the baby", but now take effort, focus and forethought. Give yourself credit for healthy food you've eaten, quality time you spent with your baby and other family members, and relaxation time you have taken out during your day.

6. Have a lovely fragrant lotion (the more "decadent" the better) to give yourself a 5 minute hand or foot massage, feel the softness, smell the fragrance, bring your attention to the muscles relaxing as you massage the lotion into your skin.

7. When driving, listen to positive self-confidence building tapes or CD's. Feed yourself emotionally by what you listen to. Avoid angry and hostile talk shows or personal acquaintances. Notice if what you are listening to builds you up or tears you or someone else down. Surround yourself with positive growing people who encourage you.